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26-Oct-2019 10:04

Check off enough items and you’ve got a shot at a fulfilling relationship. When you get close enough to someone, everything changes. If you want to fulfill the quest, you’ll need to change the rules. They have the same feeling about you, that you’ve got something just for them. It will be your only opportunity to find out what you’re meant to discover together.You want a companion, a partner, someone to build a future with. The thin shell of your mundane existence cracks, and something magical trickles in. You might even need to start off acting as you would if you were already close, as if you’re already partners. How will you spend the few precious hours you have? Concerns like these are always buzzing around beneath the surface.The “only date” rule is the spiritual foundation of Deep Dating. The more you can thwart the normal process of building expectations about the future, the more present you can be. Instead of grasping to reach a goal, you’re surrendering to the process. We are ashamed of our struggles, our limitations, and our imperfections, and we fear that if people knew what we were really like on the inside, they wouldn’t want us. We think we have to stop being our real selves to get people to like us. Do they light up, contract slightly, take a deep breath, turn slightly to the side?You have to trust that somehow you’ll get what you need, that you won’t be alone, that you’ll be fulfilled. But the future was never under your control anyway. Figure out what they seem to want, and give it to them. Act like the person you think they want to be close with, and keep acting. Sometimes your fears come true, and someone, in fact, doesn’t want you. Sometimes, however, you show someone everything, and they still think you’re groovy. If you’re paying attention, you know whether to warmly embrace them in response, or to jettison the hug in favor of a hand briefly clasping their shoulder. Then you even respond to how they respond to your response.

And you’re never going to squeeze magic out of a checklist. You’re really dating for the magic, but you’ve learned to play games to get yourself a partner, and every bit of game playing shuts the magic tap off a little tighter. You start off by letting yourself be taken by their unique beauty. In turn, you do your best to let the other person see you. You didn’t postpone anything in service of some potential future. Deep Dating is the art of creating intimacy right now, today, on this date.She took time to have a thought about your work, and she knows the industry (probably—hopefully) better than you do. Maybe it’s time for a full-on makeover, or maybe you just need to step back and reevaluate.Not that you should be changing your hairstyle if some douche on a date tells you he doesn’t like it, but you have to be willing to be adaptable. That said, also realize this can go the opposite way as well. Schultz: With speed dating and pitch sessions, both are face to face. To attract a potential partner, or pursue one, or hold onto one, you have to play games. Now you remember that dating is really a primordial quest for the magic of intimacy. For some mysterious reason, it will be the only date you’ll ever have. If you can find out what the secret is, it will change you forever. If you’ve been dating to get a partner, you’ve been lying. When you got fooled into believing that the purpose of dating was to land a partner, you learned to date by a set of implicit rules. Maybe it’s in the way they inhabit their body, or in how they look at you.

And you’re never going to squeeze magic out of a checklist. You’re really dating for the magic, but you’ve learned to play games to get yourself a partner, and every bit of game playing shuts the magic tap off a little tighter. You start off by letting yourself be taken by their unique beauty. In turn, you do your best to let the other person see you. You didn’t postpone anything in service of some potential future. Deep Dating is the art of creating intimacy right now, today, on this date.

She took time to have a thought about your work, and she knows the industry (probably—hopefully) better than you do. Maybe it’s time for a full-on makeover, or maybe you just need to step back and reevaluate.

Not that you should be changing your hairstyle if some douche on a date tells you he doesn’t like it, but you have to be willing to be adaptable. That said, also realize this can go the opposite way as well. Schultz: With speed dating and pitch sessions, both are face to face.

To attract a potential partner, or pursue one, or hold onto one, you have to play games. Now you remember that dating is really a primordial quest for the magic of intimacy. For some mysterious reason, it will be the only date you’ll ever have. If you can find out what the secret is, it will change you forever.

If you’ve been dating to get a partner, you’ve been lying. When you got fooled into believing that the purpose of dating was to land a partner, you learned to date by a set of implicit rules. Maybe it’s in the way they inhabit their body, or in how they look at you.

In partnership dating, earlier dates lay the groundwork for commitment, and you hold back the good stuff, or the hard stuff, until later. Talking to someone you’ve known a while isn’t any simpler. If telling the truth is all you’re doing, you risk burying your date in an avalanche of realness.